A client asked me this question during a recent coaching session. I was helping him process the output of a 360 assessment.
360 assessments are exercises done to give a client perspective on their observed behaviors through the eyes of many in their sphere of influence: their boss, their peers, their direct reports, their colleagues in other areas of the organization.
When “Listening More” Isn’t Enough
It is not uncommon to hear feedback through a 360 process that the client was not aware of. These could be criticisms that they were blinded to and also unexpected praise or thanks for positive behaviors they thought were commonplace.
This client was having a tough time digesting the feedback. It boiled down to a theme of “he means well, but he is missing a lot when it comes to interpersonal interaction.”
“I received coaching in my last meeting with my boss, and I have tried to implement it. She told me I talk a lot more than I listen. I tried to take that to heart, and some days it feels like all I do is listen to others.”
I could hear the frustration and sensed he felt his situation was out of his control.
I asked, “So, you have been listening more. How would you rate how well you have been listening?”
“Well, more is better, right?” he asked hurriedly. Then he paused, as if the question was just starting to register.
Eight Elements of Truly Effective Listening
In The Heart of Laser-Focused Coaching, Marion Franklin details what she believes are key elements of effective listening. While her structure is discussed within the coaching setting, her information is broadly applicable in the professional setting and in day-to-day life.
She lists eight key elements of effective listening:
1. Blank slate
Showing up as “a completely objective person without expectations of any kind.”
2. Not knowing
This includes “to not try to be right, smart, or brilliant.” This is also about being “willing to be wrong about any attitude or belief.”
3. It all begins with you
Show up as yourself, not trying to be anything or anyone else.
4. Your presence as a coach
“There are five ways you can become present — through the five senses.” (She speaks to this generally, alluding to being present can involve all five when interacting with the world. Although she doesn’t say it, I would estimate she is not saying that tasting or smelling would be crucial to coaching well.)
5. Let go of the formulas
In the business world, this is not relying too heavily on company- or industry-supported coaching models.
6. Be friendly, not friends
Remaining professional at all times.
7. Be your own coach first
Work on your own problems first and ongoing.
8. Your ego and the use of “I”
As Franklin puts it, “Your client (substitute employee or peer) doesn’t need your advice or to hear about something that worked for you.”
All of these elements are applicable to a leadership opportunity, not just in coaching clients.
Ego, Expertise, and the Trap of Listening to Respond
Let’s spend some time on the last one in the list — your ego and the use of “I.” In the coaching world, we often approach client interactions from the perspective of “your client is always right” (Franklin, page 30).
As a manager, you might think that assuming your team members are always right would be a risky perspective for a team leader to accept. Let’s challenge that notion.
You might make the argument that you are every bit the subject matter expert that the members of your team are. Perhaps, in an honest moment, you believe you are, in fact, superior in content knowledge. You might believe that it would be impossible for the members of your team to always be right. Who is ever right 100% of the time?
Shifting from Hearing Words to Building Trust
But what if they are right most of the time? What if being right or wrong has nothing to do with leading them well? Franklin encourages us, “…don’t make them wrong or set up barriers. Let them explain their conclusion. When you do this, you gain trust. Letting them explain doesn’t mean you agree with them; it means you respect their different point of view. Give them the space to explore their ideas so that you get closer to the root of their beliefs and stories. This is where true transformation (or I might call it growth) can occur.”
So, what element of effective listening do you think my client might have been suffering from? What was leading to this difference of his intent versus the actual impact of his change in behavior?
In his case, he was the content expert. His peers, and especially his direct reports, believed that his shift to talking less was not necessarily in order to listen more, or better. After “listening,” he was quick to offer advice, at best, or correction, at worst. He was listening to respond, and often his responses reaffirmed the narrative his peers had grown tired of — he was the expert, and their ideas were not important.
This is a cautionary tale of someone listening more but not necessarily listening more effectively. Which element would you be right to focus on?
Take the Next Step Toward Better Listening and Leadership
If you’re ready to explore how deeper listening can strengthen trust, unlock growth, and elevate your leadership impact, let’s connect:
No obligation—just a chance to explore how clarity can be your foundation for better decisions, confident leadership, and thriving teams.
