When people move into leadership roles, the focus is often on what they need to learn. Communication, delegation, and prioritization are common areas of development. These are all important. At the same time, there is another layer of the transition that is often less visible and more complex.
That layer is identity.
“I’m Not Sure What My Job Is Anymore”
I was working with a client named Mei, who had recently been promoted into a team lead role within a data analytics group.
In one of our early sessions, she said, “I am not sure what my job is anymore.” She still had the same technical skills, and she was still capable of doing the work at a high level. What had changed was what success looked like.
She had lost the thread.
She shared that she spends a significant amount of time reviewing work, answering questions, and stepping in when things felt off track. When I asked how that felt, she paused and said, “I miss doing the work myself. That is where I feel most confident.” That statement pointed directly to the identity gap she was experiencing.
For years, Mei had built her professional identity around being the person with answers. Her value was clear and measurable. She could point to the work she completed and the quality she maintained. In her new role, that clarity was less immediate. Her impact was now connected to what others were able to do.
Mei was aware that she was not executing the role of the leader of the team in a way that met her team’s needs, nor was it sustainable.
Expert to Leader Transition Paralysis™
This is where many individuals experience a form of paralysis. They are not yet a fully functional people manager. They are sure of their technical ability. They are unsure of how to see themselves in the new role. Without that clarity, it is easy to feel stuck. I call this Expert to Leader Transition Paralysis™.
These leaders often know that they are supposed to be more removed from the work, but they also are aware that they are not showing up as the leader their team needs.
This was certainly true for Mei. So, we began to look at how she was spending her time. I asked her to track her activities for a few days and simply notice where her energy was going. When we reviewed it together, she saw that a large portion of her time was still dedicated to doing the job from which she was promoted. That was not necessarily wrong, but it did not align with the expectations of her role.
Shifting from Giving Answers to Asking Questions
After some exploration, she decided that any change had to first start with an adjustment in her communication with her team. She identified one recurring interaction with her team that she could approach differently. She chose her weekly check-ins. Up to that point, she had been using those conversations to review work and provide direction.
She brainstormed what it might look like to shift those conversations slightly. Instead of leading with feedback, she could begin by asking questions. What are you working on this week? Where do you feel confident? Where do you feel stuck? What options are you considering?
The following week, she came back and said with some level of what I perceived to be embarrassment, “It surprised me how much they had already thought through things. When I stopped jumping in, they kept going, and some of their ideas were better than what I would have suggested.” That is an important observation.
Leadership work often feels less predictable because it involves conversations in which you do not dictate the outcomes. It is a little like improvisation. And it also creates space for others to develop their own clarity.
The Fear of Losing Control
Mei dove back in. “So, I am starting to understand the need for me to ask better questions and provide fewer answers. I have to admit though, that is a bit scary.”
“How so?”
“Well,” she continued, “I have to admit some concern about losing control of the discussion. What if the conversation goes in an unproductive direction? Or, what if the answers to their own problems are wrong? Am I supposed to let them fail?”
Mei broaches an important concern here.
I invited her to answer her own question.
“I guess, I always have the right to correct them if I think their way forward could mean that the project fails or could have serious consequences with the client. I think what we are talking about here is that I just need to be more focused on asking questions and allowing them to answer for themselves than I have in the past.
I need to change my approach up front and delay my involvement for as long as possible in the conversation or the process that I can.”
She was right! She needed to change her disposition from being the expert executing the work to the leader enabling her team to do the work. That does not absolve her of the responsibility of the work being done right or the customer being satisfied.
Coming Out of the Paralysis
As we neared the end of our time together, she said, “It’s funny; I don’t feel as stuck as I did an hour ago.”
She was coming out of her paralysis; her Expert to Leader Transition Paralysis™!
Over time, Mei began to see that her role was not to have all the answers. It was to create an environment where good thinking could happen.
That is a different kind of contribution, and it requires a shift in how you see yourself.
Leadership Identity Is Built Through Action
This shift does not happen all at once.
It is built through small changes in behavior and reflection on what those changes produce. You begin to notice where you feel most comfortable and where you feel uncertain. Both are useful signals.
If you are navigating a similar transition, it may be helpful to ask a simple question. What part of my current work reflects who I used to be, and what part reflects who I am becoming? You do not need to resolve that question immediately. You can begin by making small adjustments and observing what changes.
Identity is not something you declare. It is something you build through action. Over time, those actions begin to feel more natural, and the gap between past and present starts to close.
Navigating the Shift from Expert to Leader?
If you are working through the transition into leadership, feeling stuck between old habits and new expectations, or trying to redefine what success looks like in your role, I’d welcome the opportunity to continue the conversation.
No pressure—just an opportunity to explore how small shifts in mindset, communication, and leadership approach can help you move from doing the work yourself to developing the people around you with greater clarity and confidence.
